I know for most this is just a rambling slur and it doesn't really matter, but perhaps if you have the time you should read this fory you may learn something to your interest and maybe even it'll guide you to the true you. For the first time in a long time I feel complete.. I met a man who was completly out there to most but he made nothing but sence to me, we clicked, and talked for hours on his roof top, and the sadest part was i could totally see myself inside that man. we talked, we talked about everything and anything. past present and future, and he made me realize something all the questions can simply be answered by the phrase now is.. now is everything, and sadly tomorrow and yesterday are nothing but mere memories that shall fade as time go by. i wish i could freeze time and be stuck in a certain moment with certain people and in my special certain place and stay there forever and ever. From now on i'm going to view the world as it really is. I'm going to open up my narrow mind and live as a free soul. I am me and i'll make my own choices, and for once i choose life. i know that sounds selfish but whats the point of living for someone else. You know some people say life is full of paths and theres so many you can choose from, but i've come to this realization its really not because then we could see whats coming ahead of us and no one ever really knows whats going to happen tomorrow. Maybe you'll wake up to the worst news, you're best friends dead. Can you go back and rewind things to change them.. it seems that life is pre-decided.  Don't worry though everything must happen for a reason, maybe you'll awake to some of the best news. what would be the best news to you? some would choose money, some would choose a get away-- a ticket to a train that'll take you anywhere you want to be. For me the best news in the world would be something as simple as I guided someone to their free soul and they finally realize what lifes really about. A soul once lost and as it seemed they shall never be found, until the day they felt my ground. I know thats something so simple but its what i believe. Seriously close  your eyes and think about the last time you were truely happy, who were you with? what made you feel that way?  are you truely happy now?  I know we all depart from each other in a few months, we will all move on to the bigger picture, some of us will get a job, maybe start a career, go on to college, maybe even start a family, all in all we must never forget our true roots and our true friends. The ones who stuck with us through thick and thin, fog and smoke. The ones who were really always there when you needed them.  Its so sad how a lot of us have lost who we really are, and a lot of us don't even realize it.  So many of us hide behind substances, fake feelings, and regrets. Theres something i really realized in my time being sober no matter who we are we all take life for granted. So many of us have such a negative energy towards the world and don't even realize if they were just to look at the sun and stare we will notice theres so much more there. So much more than what we've been fed the past seventeen years of our life.  Things that should have maany catagories have tried to be lumped into two main ones. I don't believe this is right. There will always be your good days and there will always be the bad days, now you can sit and dwell on the bad or simply move onto the good.  Take a moment and just sit back and loook around, theres always something more than beautiful around i can almost guarantee it. Stand up, take your hand and place it horizontally to your belt, now slowly bring it up towards your chest, did you feel anything? theres always going to be an energy your chest cavity gives off. Often enough its what makes us a prejudice race. You can never control the vibe you give off, and sometimes you click with people, sometimes you dislike people but we all really need to realize we are all just really a big family, we are all broken down into male and female, both human beings, so whats to hate? why waste your time with negative energy when theres soo many positives you can feel. it could be the worst day of your life and if you try hard enough you'll be able to find something, whether it be a song or even a person that will be able to make you smile, and that to me is just beauty at its finest. Life is based on perception and thats something you must not loose sight of.

Another realization i've come to is everything really comes down to communication, every thing we feel, think, sense, hear and taste are all forms of communication. the way the wind blows, or even the checkard pattern that may appear on someones floor is also communication. communication is the building block in life. Silence is the deadly part of life. not really, some find silence to be awkward but once again theres beauty in silence. Yet even in silence theres still communication. Its so odd that an object as simple as a fan can completely represent life and its true forms. how its really just a cycle and how really everything works in a circle. We always say we must learn from history and we must not let history repeat itself. Yet time and time again we go into war, and i know many of us have realized we never really gain anything. Why must we fight to settle our problems? What do we really gain because after reading the us history text book i've come to realize we never really gain anything.. we gain independence and peace when really we could have simply stayed in peace.

Think.. what really makes you feel safe.. is it the feeling that you know you'll wake up with a roof over your head? is it the feeling that knowing that someone is always there that really cares.. what reallly motivates you to get out of bed. I've beeen searching a lot lately, some mindlessness, some with complete thought. I've searched and i've come to realize what motivates me is knowing that theres always something good ahead of me. I believe that I could be homeless and have almost nothing and yet i'd still find a way to be happy, and still find a way to want to wake up in the morning. even if i were to wake up to dumpsters and not a bed.

We live in complete arrogance the way we just think we can fix anyones problems by a pill, or a drug. Drugs will never solve anything, and you will never be able to escape your problems. So therefor you should sit and look and face that man in the mirror, whatever it may be. Always take responsibility for your actions. In all honesty the next day comes and the feel of the substance is now gone, and you are once again just in a search to get high again and feel the way you felt the past day. Well honestly you'll never realize you're never truely happy until you realize what life is really about. The way we can label someone bi-polar, or label someone a schizophrenic. the arrogant being communicates his arrogance throught the labels they try to sell. its all arrogance, obviously, they are that way for a reason and shouldn't be changed, unless they want to be changed. Think of a psych-ward, yes some do need the help, but think of the many that don't and instead of getting to enjoy their every day life they are locked away, like a caged animal.

Do you ever close your eyes at night and wonder if you're really going to wake up? Or if you're going to wake up to a completly chaotic day, or maybe just maybe you'll awake to the best day of your life. to the best moment of your life. sometimes things really make me wonder. wonder to the point where i worry, then i'll worry to the point where I can't sleep, and just like i said before i run on a cycle too, because when that happens, i always end up here. trying to force myself to communicate what i'm really thinking.

Its so weird how our eyes perceive everything, theres millions of particles every where, and yet the particles to the computer are more transparent then the particles in the air. what makes it this way? why can't we see the air we breathe? what if it were the other way around, everything was just a mere outline, perhaps a figment of our imagination. You know most of us go to sleep at night, some don't. some have troubles sleeping some just pass out right away.  but what if we were always asleep. we are really just a dream, and everything is just a dream. All these feelings are the fakest we've felt, or all these feelings are all we got. the other night i got to expeirence some lucid dreaming, it was everything and really anything.

Some days my mind, it just never stops. I'd have to say i've come to enjoy it more and more though. I've been able to communicate what i truely believe and truely think.  Some days i just feel so smart, I feel that my mind beams way high up to the sky and even the sky can't stop it. I know this however isn't true but i'll let myself believe it is:  for your mind is only as strong as you create it to be. I know most of you probally won't read this but if you do I hope you at least gained something out of it. Enough of the rambling and everyone enjoy their life time. Here I am to enjoy another sunrise, I hope its a beaut.